like a lamb to slaughter…

So if you know me and friended me on facebook for the past few years, you know my story. Long story short – Good boy. Grew up in Church. Almost a pastor. Left Church altogether seemingly at random. Pissed off almost everyone. Made a website and podcast. Lost free time…. So i’ve been busy and unable to attend my heresy duties… New Year made me realize i loved this stuff and should tryy to manage my time better so i can get to all the things i love. Oh Heresy, how i’ve missed thee…

For some of my past writings check out the oft ignored

http://pullingthreads.wordpress.com/

The main person that has had a problem with my heresy is my father. I think he was so proud that his weird son was going to be a pastor. It really threw him for a loop when i up and left the church. Most everyone else in the church shrugged their shoulders at it. “Oh well… The kid we’ve known forever just randomly leaves the church he grew up in right as he’s about to become a minister” You would think more people would ask you questions… Hmmm… Unless they know in their hearts WHY…

 

Anyways, The time of the leaving i worked for/with my father. This cause enough “friction” add in some heresy and it makes for a volatile situation to say the least. There were many yelling matches and accusations and name calling and stuff thrown. It was bad. He often goaded me into conversations by asking what i thought in a specific area of theology. Not to brag or sound like a douche-bag, but my father is not the most well read man. He is not dumb, but he prefers street to book when it comes to smarts. He is very talented in many areas, but I did not acquire my love of words from him. Maybe my spelling skills… Anyways, I like to read. I read and study theology books. I listen to podcasts and sermons. At least i did. The information I crammed in my brain drove people nuts, because i couldnt get enough. The more i learned the more i had to share it or process it and i tended to do this out loud. I couldnt help but respond when my father showed me a homophobic “Christian” e-mail. Or he seemed to bring up “Universalism” or “Emergent” even though he didnt REALLY know what he was talking about. All he knew was his son seemed to be into “New Age crap” that you always were warn’d against in church. You always heard “Universalism is stupid and wrong” and never had the conversation, “What kind of loving God makes a horrible never ending torture chamber for his children? Isn’t that 100 times worse than hitler?”

Not that i AM a universalist, or a homosexual advocate. But im not saying i’m not either. I am really undecided. I am on the side HOPING homosexuals go to heaven along with my Buddhist family and Muslim neighbors. Even them “Evil Catholics”… This was my life for months… Go to work, start cleaning something AND THEN

“Hey Kameron, do you think the Bible is the infallible perfect Word of God?”

“Well… The Bible only calls Jesus the Word of God, not itself, which would be odd if it did cause it wasn’t put together till way later…”

“I knew it! He doesnt believe the Bible! He thinks its all lies!”

There i go thinking again…

So for many reasons i quit working full time for my father. It was probably for the best. Less contact, the better. Less chances. So i’m in the shop shooting the breeze and a conversation starts about a post on Face book. My father started in on some Heretic friends about the devil and God and free will, ultimate reconciliation, universalism and other light  stuff. I try and stay out as much as possible. He still brings it up. Normally i would tell him what im working through or some theories or the other side of the coin… but this time i dont. I am fairly silent. I nod. Try to be agreeing. See his side. Don’t retaliate. Now, i’m going to take this as growth on my side. I don’t know if it is, but i’m taking it as growth. The old angry me would have struck back. The new angry me sees it easier to not talk about it. To not throw the ball back. To let it fall to the ground. I’m not sure if he was disappointed i didnt talk back. Maybe This is how it should be. I’ve never tried this before, but i have a feeling this is how most of you handle it with your “orthodox” family.

My grandmother is the other driving force. She has forcefully tried to stop me from ministering without a “umbrella” ministry over me. She has tried to break up my home gatherings. She has tried to trip me up by forcing me to visit people in the hospital and giving my Christmas gifts to poor people and see if i react poorly. She has bad mouthed me to family, friends and ministers. I have read the e-mails about me. I have heard about the conversations lasting an hour or more about how wrong or bad or hypocritical i am. Because of me a friendship has been broken up. Bad things were said. And she wanted recently to get together and talk about it. It has been many months and one of the last major  “incidents” i made it clear that i wouldn’t care if i ever saw her again… and i am left with the decision. To leave things be, or have coffee and possible drudge up all that has settled… Think, think, think…

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